"I haven't seen you in forever, oh you haven't changed a bit, you didn't think that I'd remember how could I forget"


"some say it's a backward place, narrow minds on a narrow way, but I make it a point to say, that's where I come from"


"I've done some living, yea I've had fun, but there is one thing that I haven't done"


"We were brave, we were crazy, we were mostly young"


"She said if you work hard to get where you are, it feels good in the hot spotlight"


"The sun and the sand and a drink in my hand, with no bottom, and no shoes, no shirt, no problems"


"He said the world ain't the same, if you ask me, if I could be somewhere else I'll tell ya where I'd be"


"A couple years of up all night and a few thousand diapers later, that mistake he thought he made, covers up the refridgerator"

"and I go back to watchin summer fade to fall, growing up too fast and I do recall, wishing time would stop right in it's tracks, everytime I hear that song I go back"

"Here's to the strong, thanks to the brave, don't give up hope, some people change, against all odds, against the grain, love finds a way, some people change"

"We all kinda went our seperate ways, but I swear it seems like yesterday"

"When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves, up on a high wire that's ready to break, when I've had just about all I can take, baby you save me"

"Perfect song on the radio, sing along cause it's one we know, it's a smile, it's a kiss, it's a sip of wine, it's summertime, sweet summertime"

"Here's to faces I have seen, a carnival of those who dream. Dreaming big and livin' free like me"

"I've had it up to here with this rat race, need a smile on my face"

"Well I'm what I am, I'm what I'm not, I'm sure happy with what I've got, I live to love and laught a lot, and that's all I need"

"So I've been trying to slow it down, I've been trying to take it in, in this here today gone tomorrow world were living in"

"I think I feel a fresh tattoo, what is it of I wish I knew, couldn't get more out of sight, got a little crazy lastnight"

"I'm just a dreamer and nothing more, you should know it before it gets too late"

"somewhere inside of me there was something she took a liking too, I asked her to marry me, and she said she really wanted too"

"So damn easy to say that life's so hard, everybody's got their share of battle scars. And as for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars, That I'm alive and well"

A Story of Post-Partum

It's hard for me to believe that my little boy is six months old already. Before I know it we'll be celebrating his first birthday. It's been a tough road for us, well I should say for me. Post-partum depression hit me hard. They say a women doesn't develop post-partum depression until a few weeks after birth, but I felt it the moment he took his first breath outside of my belly.

I try to find reasons why I developed PPD and why so soon. Was it because it wasn't a planned pregnancy? or was it because I was induced and delivered much sooner than I anticipated? Did I not prepare well enough? Was it because I didn't get to hold him right after he was delivered? Was it because my delivery was traumatic?

I don't know what the reason was, but all I know is that I suffered from it and I feel slighted. I feel like my first child's birth was taken from me because I wasn't there mentally.

I remember the nurse finally handing him to me. I was scared. How do I hold him? What do I do? Tears streamed down my worn out face. I felt like I was holding a stranger. My entire family watched in awe as I held my first born, their first grandchild, nephew, godson. They felt joy. I felt confusion. Most mothers savor the first moment they get to hold their newborn child, I was overwhelmed.

I remember our first night at the hospital together. The nurses offered to take him to the nursery for the night so we could get some rest. I didn't hesitate, my husband did. He couldn't bare to be parted from him, but I could. I remember thinking, what's wrong with me?

Most women can't wait to leave the hospital, I dreaded it. What was I going to do without the nurses? They knew how to do everything, I didn't know a thing. Neither did my husband. Thank god for my family, because without them my husband and I would have been clueless.

My mom took two weeks off from work to help me with Owen. I learned from her. She taught me everything I ever needed to know about babies. When she left to go home for a little while and I was left alone with Owen, I felt this urge to tell her to not leave, like a two-year old holding on to their mother's pant leg screaming. I remember one day I was alone with Owen and he wouldn't stop crying for everything. I remember lying him in my lap while he was screaming and I was sobbing hysterically because I had no idea what to do.

My mom would stay overnight often and help out with the night feedings so my husband and I could catch up on our sleep. I had the opportunity to sleep, but did I? Nope. I would lie there dreaming about my life before baby and how badly I wanted to go back. I didn't want to leave my bed. Sometimes I didn't want to wake up.

Owen was a month old and I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like I just was going through the motions. I barely slept or ate, I sobbed uncontrollably everyday. It was a week before Thanksgiving. I was changing Owen's diaper and he looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but cry and feel guilty. I wanted to bond with him, I wanted to feel connected but my PPD masked any and all of my emotions besides bad ones. I needed help.

That night I told my husband. I think I have PPD. I thought he would be mad and accuse me of being a bad mother, but I had to do it. I had to tell someone. He wrapped his arms around me and held me. It felt so good. The next day I went to the Doctor.

I was afraid of what the doctor was going to say. Was she going to accuse me of being a bad mother? Instead, she hugged me as well. And told me what I never thought I would have heard. It's normal. This can't be normal I thought, but she reassured me it was and I'll be back to myself in no time. She hand me a script. I'm usually not one to jump on the antidepressant bandwagon but I swear I took that script and ran to the pharmacy.

It changed my life. It wasn't long before I felt renewed and a sense of relief. Most importantly, I felt like a mom. I enjoyed the diapers, the baths, the cries, the night time feedings. Yes, I enjoyed waking up in the middle of the night to feed the most precious gift from god, my son.

I have never felt more bonded and more connected to someone like Owen in my entire life. Yes, being a mother is stressful, but I wouldn't change my life for a moment. I couldn't imagine my life any different than it is right now. My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I celebrate every day. He brings me such joy and happiness and such great appreciation for life.